free write from afternoon writing retreat:
settling back into the page and pencil marriage, letters forming words, movement from mind to hand, does my mouth move as i mark this page? difficult to come back to the writing after lunching outside, catching up a little gossip and some laughter in the bright sunshine of midday. noticing the discomfort of finding myself in front of the nothingness empty space of a 5 x 8 inch notebook page. what on earth am i so afraid of? me. so quick to judge worthless, so lacking immediate gentleness for the coming into myself process. bam. it pops up quickly and viciously as i try to locate myself on a church bench. then move to a chair against a wall in a small chapel space, a large painting of Sistine Madonna by Raphael hangs to my left and people come and go from this space without much distraction. someone is shushing someone as they enter to the right, sneakers clomp the stone floor and move on quickly. voices reverberate through the arches, echoes of conversations i cannot hear and make no attempt to listen to. a woman clears her throat and sniffles the remnants of a winter cold as her feet shuffle. she speaks softly to a male voice. i do not look up to see their age or relationship. a person is clucking like a chicken as they wander in my direction. they stop before entering this place and i do not know why they clucked. down the corridor a person has begun to drum their hands on their legs, the rhythm changing and increasing speed. occasionally it sounds like rain on a roof or wheels going over tracks, rapid and strong hand smacking. the drumming stops as quickly as it began and a large man with droopy pants passes through this quiet space. nobody speaks a word. we are all quiet little mice going about our separate business here in the cathedral, some shuffling their feet, others making no sounds. some visitors carry pamphlets to guide them through various corridors. I am wandering on this page coming to the end and ready to end my time in this chair.
6 Word Memoirs – morning writing practice from Natalie Goldberg’s book, The True Secret of Writing
• circled the world to find home
• inner critic rages war on artist
• I’ll try not to be defensive
• good enough. enough is enough. good.
• simply smiling since simile sounds silly
• easy to drop everything. write now.
• distracted by everything, she ignores nothing
• put down camera, pick up pen
• greets blank page with blank stare
• judging every thought unworthy of writing
• her overheating body tears off covers
• rosy hot cheeks, broad devilish smile
• what can I say about love?