Day 24:11 solstice walk

On this shortest day and longest night, the 6th day of Chanukah I woke my son to see the sunrise.
I said a prayer as we left the driveway, the night sky still with us and cloud covered.
Dozens of deer grazed in the fields as we walked towards the high vantage point.
They stood erect, tails alert and stared back on these two-leggeds making more sounds than every other creature in the pasture.
For just a brief moment the sky flared hot pink.
The deer ran off and the clouds closed in and we walked on.
Bless all the lovely creatures we share the land with.
Bless the cycle of renewal and time for inward reflection.
Bless the knowing that light always shines within.




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Day 23:11 a good book blessing

I read a sentence that took my breath away.
Held it for so long, it escaped out the door
And wandered into the catacombs of the cathedral.
I followed this sentence down seven lines, a third of a page,
Into a library, onto a peninsula, above the arctic circle,
Amongst strangers and glaciers,
And through its darkness without getting lost.
I dream the dream of thinking the thoughts that conjure
A sentence out of the circus of my imagination
Making miraculously complex thoughts into this simple poem.
Will I ever be able to breathe again?


PS – I am currently reading The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit.
See page 195…. Actually read it all if you want to lose your breath in a book.

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Day 22:11 scraping the walls clean

With the outer layer pealed away, this pale fibrous surface required extra effort to lift away from the plaster wall.

I wondered what stories these walls would write on this large blank page.

Ribbons of wet paper scraps fell to the floor like confetti streamers.

I thought of gathering each paper tail, folding them into notes like the ones passed amongst middle school friends.

Imagine writing the answers to all the questions life is asking and passing them back to my friends who are asking the same questions.

There are no wrong answers to today’s test. I’ve been studying and am quite sure nobody is failing.

Blessings don’t come until I devote time to receiving them. I found my blessing on a ladder as I scrape wallpaper.

While washing away the old glue, I knew it is my choice to labeling every act, person or thing as good or bad.

The waiting for the blessing, taking my sweet time to write this, scraping the walls into a clean slate, it’s all good.

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Day 21:11 holding place

Like a black blue spot near the kneecap
It appears as if from a unseen bump during the night
It will take it’s own sweet time to dissipate
This urge to fix, to problem solve for a outcome out of reach
And I felt it again this morning
The heart pain of wanting
A shift and twist trying to take away her suffering and my suffering
And there it is, the very place in which my suffering expands
The not ok with what is
The forgotten moment of simply being with someone hurting
Or with myself hurting
The stories and questions and configuring in my mind how it can all be made right
Stop it
Be here with what is
And it will move on
Like that bruise near my kneecap
Be the healing presence through being
There is nothing more or less than myself that I need to be for anyone
Blessed be.

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Day 20:11 for all the friends

For the ones who know you
almost better than you know yourself
For the ones you care for without question
For the ones who sit with you, hold you, cry with you, howl and fight for you
For the ones who pick you up when your pieces have scattered in every direction
For the ones you want to be your best self with
For the ones who love you at your worst
For the ones who see you as the love you are
Bless all the ones you call friend

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Day 19:11 sunrise blessing

Long frosted grass swept into swirls crunches underfoot
A pink orange fire lit sky proclaims the beginning day
Fractured triangle shapes create mirrors encasing a pond for the coming winter
Five sharp nailed finger forms fixed in mud leave a message of presence for this one
Blessings of a sunrise walk through the battlefields

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Day 18:11 crying pigeon

the pigeon cried, her left wing unable to spread as she once did

warrior number three fell out of line

the dog went down and up and wanted to curl up like a child

upside down the skin between these breasts hang like a long loved tee

I will pay for the planks tomorrow

on my belly I press my feet into a deep bend towards my knees

releasing a groan of horror at the distance they will not travel

when did the front of my thighs become taut sails on a screaming boat

only the corpse found silence and release

is this the blessing of knowing it can only get better from here

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Day 17:11 blessing at the cash register

Bless the woman at the register
A bright smile for every customer
Fuchsia eye shadow highlighting her inner light
The way she claimed me as her child while I purchased a morning coffee
Letting me know she’s the mother to many who pass through

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Day 16:11 skipping and blessing

So I skipped a day of blessing
So bless me for not beating myself up over it
And blessings for getting back on the horse and not throwing in the towel
And blessings for the grumblings and shifting focus throughout my days
And blessing for admitting to myself this is hard to keep up with
And blessings for feeling I’ve got nothing and still doing anyway
And blessings for being committed to being in the fullness and emptiness of life
Blessings for showing up again.

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Day 15:11 never too late

the day got away from me

busy busy work work

over thinking

making complications

where simplicity is desired

call a friend

ask for help

keep it simple

be glad for deciding

and move on

I’m learning the blessing

of thorough research

and consideration of choices

and knowing when

I’m overwhelmed

and time to stop

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